Personal Power e-zine, December 12, 2006

How to Stop Playing the Blame Game

I learned the blame-game at a very early age. When I was only six, my mother showed me how to put a spoon in my younger sister's mouth to keep her from choking during an epileptic seizure. She then told me, "Michelle, you must carry this spoon with you at all times. If your sister has a seizure and dies, it will be your fault." That was a heavy burden of blame to put on a little girl!

From this and many other experiences that resulted from living with people who were incapable of taking personal responsibility for the life they created, I grew up under an enormous "blame" burden. It robbed me of happiness, energy and power for over 30 years.

When I finally broke free of the blame-game and started teaching others how to create more personal power in their lives, I discovered an amazing thing. Almost everyone I encountered was also carrying around this useless, energy-and-happiness-draining, unnecessary blame. Without realizing it they also spread the blame. They inflicted blame on themselves and blamed others for failures or circumstances. They even blamed luck or fate! Unfortunately, the only thing blame accomplishes is to rob you and those you blame of power, freedom, and joy.

Are you involved in any blame games?

Most of us are...until we wake up and realize it is not normal. It's a game we learn very young and become more adept at playing the older we get. In fact, as a child, I can remember playing a game called, "Who Stole the Cookie from the Cookie Jar?" How is that for a great "blame" training tool?

So, how can you end your personal blame games?

The first step is to stop blaming yourself for anything you've put upon yourself or accepted from others as "wrong". It is neither good nor bad. It just is. The second step is to get the lesson from the undesired result and learn from it.

Let's try an exercise

Stop right now and think of one situation in your life for which you are blaming yourself.

Got it? Okay, now ask yourself, "What can I learn from this situation?"

Don't for one second allow yourself to continue accepting any blame. Get out of your mind and view the situation from the viewpoint of an objective bystander.

After asking yourself what you can learn form the situation, listen to the voice of your "higher and wiser" self. It will whisper the truth to you. What will you hear? I have no way of knowing. The only true answer is within you.

You may learn that the seed of blame was planted in an early teaching. Or it may have come from a dogmatic religious belief. But, if you sincerely ask you will hear the truth. Learn from it.

Stay in balance

Some people (when attempting to break out of the blame game) end up refusing to accept blame for their own mistakes. That doesn't work.

We all do make choices that bring pain to ourselves and others. When this happens, clean it up by recognizing it...apologize if necessary...and fix it if you can. Do whatever is necessary and go on. Let it pass and be complete so you can grow and learn from it. If you did not really learn from it, it will return and the pain will increase. This cycle will continue until you get the lesson completely!

If you are unjustly blamed for something it can have a negative impact on your life. Do what you can to set things right. Then let it pass. Above all avoid getting caught up in more of the blame cycle.

Avoid the perceived benefits of blaming others

At first, getting out of the blame-game may be difficult. It's just SO easy to point a finger at other people or situations. There is an immature part of our personalities that likes to play the part of a victim so we don't have to take responsibility for what we create. It may also give us a false sense of momentary power to be able to "pass the buck." But, this not only steals an enormous amount of power from us, it can boomerang back and cause problems in other areas.

Choose to start playing a new game - the "I refuse to blame" game!

The more you refuse to have anything to do with blame (except to learn from it), the more joy and freedom you will experience. It won't be long before blame is simply not a part of your life!

About the Author

Personal power expert Michelle Rigg is the author of You Must Be OUT of YOUR MIND: A Step-by-Step Guide to Creating More Power In Your Life. Her clients usually see remarkable improvements in income, relationships, communication, focus, and clarity after completing just one workshop or telephone laser session. For a FREE 5-step course that will supercharge your personal power, visit http://www.createpersonalpower.com.

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